Get a Life
by nubesdelchocolate
Summary: Zoe grief fic, but with hope and a bit of MalInara at the end. 5 months after Miranda, Zoe needs a little help from her friends


**Get a Life**

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it's yours! Wait . . .no . . .it's theirs, sorry.

After Miranda, a sadness settled over Serenity, the boat and its crew. There was a sadness that the message hadn't done all that much. The alliance had pulled out of most rim worlds (or been thrown out) which meant more freedom for the people, but also that the tiny amount of genuine government aid was gone as well.

Then there were the deaths, and the deep sadness that comes from loss. Everyone felt it, but no one more so than Zoe. Her chest ached all the time, like there was a gaping hole in it. The irony was not lost on her.

It was a struggle to breathe sometimes. She couldn't wear her tight leather anymore, she switched to her softer, button-down shirts and looser pants. She even begged a simple cotton shift from Inara. It was white and had eyelet lace around the collar, sleeves, and hem. She would never wear it outside her bunk, but it was what she felt most comfortable in.

No one but Inara even knew she had it, yet River had made a comment about a month after Miranda over dinner in the mess.

"He always said you were his guardian angel, now you look like one, too, all in white."

Zoe's eyes had shot up, locking gazes with River's.

"You're beautiful, still watching over him as he watches over you," she continued.

The table was silent as they watched River stomp across those eggshells that they had all been tiptoing around. They watched as Zoe put down her fork, stood up, and walked around the table to River.

Zoe leaned down and, placing a kiss on River's temple, whispered, "Thank you," and then walked to her bunk to change into her shift and have a final cry.

The hole in her chest closed up, not all the way, but enough for now. She still woke up feeling suffocated every once in a while, though.

One night, five months after Miranda, she had a dream that someone was strangling her. She awoke to find harsh red welts on her neck. The leather cord that had been there since the day she married Wash was ripped apart. Pieces were on the bed next to her and some were still clutched in her hands. She cried then. She hadn't cried in four months, but this was too much.

She got some control back, and knew she had to get out of their – her – bunk. She definitely couldn't go back to sleep.

She didn't get dressed, she just climbed out in her shift, walked across the ship to Inara's shuttle and knocked. It took a few minutes for Inara to open the door, Mal pulling on a shirt behind her.

"Zoe . . ." Inara half gasped as she took in her shift, bare feet, and red eyes.

She was interrupted by Mal, who couldn't see Zoe very well, with Inara in front and the dark hallway behind. "Is it an emergency?" He asked reaching for his boots.

"No, this isn't ship's business," she said quietly and Mal immediately got what was going on.

Inara reached out and drew her into the shuttle with an arm around her shoulders. Inara led Zoe over to the couch and sat her down. Mal took in Zoe's clothes, eyes, and tightly set jaw. And then he saw the vicious looking welts on her neck. Mal knew Zoe, and Inara knew people, well enough to know what had happened. What Zoe had been working so hard to fix over the past half year had rebroken a little bit tonight.

Mal took this all in in a moment and then said, "I think we could use some tea," with a pointed look at Inara.

Inara gave a tiny nod, she understood, and got up to gather her supplies, the teacups and pot that were only for personal use now as she hadn't taken a client since returning to Serenity. Meanwhile, Mal went to a drawer and pulled out a small jar of soothing balm that he knew from experience did wonders for bullet grazes and rope burns.

He unscrewed the cap and sat down beside Zoe. He gently reached out and pulled her hair back. Reaching into the jar, he pulled out a small amount and spread it carefully over the welts. Zoe didn't look at him, instead watching Inara move about, preparing the tea, but she held her hair up to make it easier for Mal.

Mal saw that it wasn't just welts from the cord, but that Zoe had also clawed at her neck before the cord had broken. Mal reached for a cloth and then picked up the teapot that Inara had just filled with hot water. He poured some onto the cloth and then picked up Zoe's hand, beginning to clean Zoe's hands and under her nails.

That was when Zoe finally looked at Mal, then quickly down at her hands, surprised by the blood she saw there. She hadn't realized there were scratches, too. Mal finished with her left hand and went to pick up the right. But this one was in a tight fist.

Mal looked up at Zoe, who looked back, sighed, and opened her fist to reveal the bit of leather cord that she hadn't even realized she still held. Mal took it and, gently placing it on the table, finished cleaning her up.

Inara had finished the tea and now handed everyone a cup. They drank and sat in silence for a few minutes until Inara suddenly proclaimed, "I miss his loud shirts, everyone on this ship should wear more colors."

"I hear Jayne looks better in red." Mal responded watching without looking to see a half-smile spread across Zoe's face. Mal continued, "I miss his dinosaur battles, the bridge is way too quiet, our albatross doesn't make a peep."

"I miss his greetings when I'd come back from a client, it was always so welcoming, made me feel like I was coming home, which I was," Inara contributed as she saw Zoe's little smile get a bit bigger as she visibly relaxed into the couch.

"I miss his devotion to you, that boy would never do anything to hurt you."

"Yes he would," Zoe spoke up, the smile still in place and a slight twinkle in her eye, "but only if I asked nicely."

All three laughed at that. As they quieted back down, Mal put in, "I miss your smile, no one can make it as big as he could."

"Ah, sir, you haven't seen us outside the infirmary when Simon has to practically tie you to the chair to pull yet another bullet out after yet another job gone bad."

Inara laughed loudly at that while Mal chuckled good-naturedly. After that the talk turned to funny stories of some of the most disastrous jobs they had had. At around 6 in the morning Zoe finally nodded off to sleep while Mal and Inara argued cheerfully over wobbly headed dolls and the nuances of meaning of the Chinese words for petty.

Mal glanced over and saw that Zoe was asleep. He placed a blanket over her curled up form on the couch, kissed her forehead, and whispered something that he'd never expected to find himself saying, "I love you."

Zoe stirred and murmured, "You carried me."

Mal smiled and then he and Inara went to the mess for some breakfast. They hadn't had much sleep, but they could always rest later, as they weren't due on Persephone for two days.

They had finished eating and were carrying their plates to the sink when Inara suddenly said, "You were very good up there, Mal. You're going to make a wonderful father."

Mal got a goofy smile on his face and said, "Ya? Thanks." He turned and put his plate in the sink. He was reaching for the faucet when he froze and spun around to face Inara. Her smile was enough to tell him he had guessed right.

She hadn't meant that statement in a complementary someday way that people said, she had meant in a nine months kind of way.

He gaped, "Really?"

Her smile just got even bigger and he reached out, wrapped his arms around her, and literally swept her off her feet, spinning her around and then kissing her soundly. He let her feet touch the ground again, but didn't release her with his arms or his mouth. Finally, they came up for air.

Suddenly Mal had an idea, "'Nara? Can we ask Zoe to be the baby's godmother?"

She smiled up at him, proud that he had come up with a perfect idea. "Of course, we'll ask her tonight." She kissed him again.

He pulled back after a few moments and said, "Ya know, there's still a bed in my old bunk . . ."

Inara laughed at first, but then thought for a moment and grabbed his hand, pulling him through the door towards the crew quarters.


End file.
